Attempt One

Wednesday afternoon I found myself at DVD Stop.  If you are familliar with Game Stop then you get the idea: buy DVD, watch DVD, sell it for a fraction of the origanal cost, buy new DVD.  I was there with my friend Ricky to return my old roomate Hadley's DVDs. 

To say that Hadley had a bit of a DVD addiction would be an understatement.  We arrived with three full moving boxes of DVD's and that was the second batch.  It took the poor guy at the cash register 45 minutes to shuffle through each box and come up with a price.

In the meantime, I called up the Korean Consul to schedule an appointment for my visa interview.  The woman on the other end of the phone was harder to understand whan Steven, my recruiter.  What I managed to get out of the conversation was two things: firstly that the visa was going to cost me money, $45 to be specific; secondly that I needed another transcript!

I had been lucky when my first transcript was rendered useless when it was opened in Korea and I had a spare.  I ordered the spare not for backup, but so I could take a look at my grades.  They thwarted that plan and I sent the spare to Korea for $50.  Now to find out that I need to order a third for my visa application interview, mon dieu! 

So I am delayed again, hopefully for the last time.  Again I ordered two sealed transcripts and they are due Monday, at whch point i will make another attempt to set up a visa appointment.  Now to scrounge up $45.

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On Progress and Planes

At 3AM I recieved confirmation from my recruiter, Steven, that after spending another $50 to ship my Suffolk transcripts to Korea that I finally was the proud owner of a visa confirmation number.  That's one step closer to getting on the thousand ton, magical flying machine.  Tomorrow I must call the Korean consol and arrange an appointment, after which I will have a new sticker in my passport saying that I am allowed to work in the country.  Missing the point, I know, but I hope this is one bad-ass sticker.

So, one step closer to leaving everything and everyone I know for a whole year.  I began this process as a scared little Kid.  Larry, my friend from Suffolk and long-standing drinking buddy convinced me that teaching in South Korea was the thing to do.  Two weeks later he was in Cheonan, telling me about the adventure of it all, and how I had to come and do it. 

I started the process a long time ago with little hope that I would actually finish it, but here I am.

This process has taken me so much longer than I was expecting that my fears have begun to calm down a bit.  I am still scared, mind you, but I am no longer completely mortified of the prospect of spending a year abroad. 
This sounds stupid, but the part that I was (and to a certain extent still am) fearing the most was the airplane.  To say that I dislike planes would be an understatement.  Here is an example: I drove to Florida with my old roomate Hadley.  The way down was one of the funnest things I have ever done.  I had the option to fly back home but I turned it down and took a train.  That is right: I took a 27 hour train to avoid 3 hours in an airplane. 

I went to Mexico to do a workcamp once and it ended badly.  For those of you who follow the link i want you to know that the vast majority of workcamps work out fine and that this was a fluke.  To make a long story that will be told elsewhere very short: I arrived in Mexico City, took an 8 hour bus to a place called Tecpan de Galeana, spent the night watching heavily armed men drive around in trucks and fending off cockroaches while trying to conceal $1000+ worth of camera equipment.  Nobody ever picked me up.  When the sun came out I hopped the first bus that came and ended up in Acapulco.  I salvaged the week or so I was there, but there was a certain stress that was building in my mind that I didn't even notice.  After I made my way back to Mexico City and got into the plane I was so happy it was over.  I was seated next to a couple of kids on their way to Chicago, where I would be put on a plane home to Boston.  I smiled and drifted to sleep.

I woke up to what I now know to be a full blown panic attack.  I couldn't breathe but in gasps.  My arms and legs were tingling and felt as though novacaine was being pumped through my veins.  My vision was jumping as though there was a very powerful strobe light infront of my face.  And my mind.  I was sure I was dying.  I was having a heart attack.  I was accepting this but my thoughts became so irrational.  I was positive that I could feel the back of the plane beginning to fall from the sky.  I looked at the kids and wondered how much their parents would have to pay for therapy when this was over.  It passed in a few moments but came back again and again.  It took all my might not to scream and cry.  To be sure, that moment is and will remain the worst experience that I have ever had.

I passed out as soon as I hit the bench of my connecting airport and I walked onto the next airplane as though I were walking down that last grey mile to the gas chamber. 

I was happy to be home, but something was horribly wrong.  I kept having panic attacks.  I had trouble driving or being in a small room, or anywhere with quiet.  I couldn't go out to eat at a restaurant.  The only time I didn't feel on edge was at the place I worked at.  Finally the doctor gave me some pills and I googled the hell out of what was happenning to me.  Knowing what happens physiologically during a panic attack is more helpful than any medication.

In the end, I don't think a plane caused what happened; it must have been the stress I kept bottled up, but it left me with a foul taste for flying. 

That was a long way for me to say that I really do not like flying.  I don't like taking off, I don't like descending, and I certainly hate turning.  If I had my way the pilot would inform us of EVERY move he or she made. 

But I am ready for this flight, or at least I am as ready as I can be courtesy of a hefty bottle of Lorazepam.

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It's All Just Killing Time

There was a hang-up in my visa application process.  Steven, the voice in Korea who has found and secured me a job in Cheongu Si, tells me that "a woman has opened my transcript" at the school; and he says "woman" as though it means something, that I should laugh and say "Oh those women."  In order to be given a working visa in South Korea, the government must receive an official and sealed transcript.  The transcript I sent is now a useless piece of junk.

This whole process has taken so long it seems.  I was originally to leave in January.  Most jobs require only two weeks of notice, but I was the only staff photographer at the magazine at which I worked and we hit shelves monthly, so I pushed my date to February and gave my notice. 
I had a lucrative month in February.  Uncle Sam sent me more money than I was expecting.  The magazine sent me my editorial check and a whopper of an art department check courtesy of the cover I shot; and a client paid me a good chunk of the balance she owed me.  I would have been rolling; I would have hired a maid, a chef and a chauffeur. 

I was delayed again.  There was a miscommunication between the recruiting company I was working with and myself.  Larry, my friend in Cheonan set me up with Steven and here we are.

I ran out of money weeks ago. 

This idle time has given me time for thought.  I have had many jobs.  Got time to kill, me too; here is a list:

1) Camp Counselor- I was awkward and shy towards younger kids and the older ones asked if I smoked weed and if I could score them some.  I was a gym teacher despite the fact that I did crew because I lack the coordination for anything ball or goal related.  Remember the kid in Fever Pitch?  He says something to Jimmy Fallon like: "You love the Red Sox but do they ever love you back?"  I had him.

2) Caddy- I caddied at one of the most expensive private clubs in the country which is located in one of the worst parts of MA.

3) Cashier at BJ's- I was written up 8 times.  I quit before they had the chance to fire me.

4) Panera Bread- A Cuban man told me if I forgot how to make an Italian combo one more time he would cut off my hand.  I also threw a fork in a vat of coffee thinking it was full of dishwashing soap (it was brown?!)  I was banished to the hell of washing dishes, albeit very poorly, until I quit.  If you ever ate at my Panera Bread then you should know I often did not clean silverware, though sometimes I would just throw it away instead of dealing with it; so its 50 / 50 whether you ate somebody elses spit.

5) Handyman at Shropshire Curiosity- Crazy old bastard had me cleaning out medical equipment and cleaning dog poop for weeks.  I made $6 an hour under the table for a month before he payed me.  He took out taxes himself and I made $100.

6) Warehouse at Sears Retail Outlet- I got payed to hang out with my friend and screw around.  I routinely ate at least four microwavable burritos per shift.

7) Movie Theatre Usher- The theatre was overstaffed.  It was possible to watch 1 - 2 full movies per shift. 

8) Mail Room Clerk- Suffolk University's mailroom is responsible for most of my University friendships.  Between cigarette brakes and reading everybody elses post cards we did homework.

9) Beacon Hill Times- I took photos of Beacon Hill.  Major issues included vandalism and public urination commited by Suffolk Students including myself.  Lesson in irony learned.

10) Dock worker- After blowing all of my money on a weekend in New York City to see my friends Castine play I worked for two weeks unloading a truck to set up a new store.  It was pleased to go home every night covered in dirt.

11) Office I- I was a temp in an office after graduating.  It was nothing like the show.

12) Magazine I- Took photos of rich people and wrote about things nobody in my locale could ever afford.  I did get invited to go to a yacht party with swag.

13) Mt. Wachusett- I took photos at the summit.  My shift began at 9am and ended at 3pm.  I would arrive promptly at 9:30am completely hung over and leave no later than 2pm.  Ever.

13) Office II- I was hired and promoted at the office.  I was on the quality assurance team and spent my days professionaly stocking people and reading medical records and death certificates.  The program was called Prescription Advantage.  Every person calling up to complain said it was "no Advantage to them," and thought they were beyond clever.

14) Tree Planter- In exchange for free food and lodging I planted trees and put up a fence in Greece.  My shoe was eaten by a dog on the second day.

15) Catering Company- I used my love for food to make a living serving food to other people.  A love for food does not translate to any skill.  I discovered a love for dishwashing jobs.  There is something zen about an industrial dishwasher.

16) Waiter at an Upscale Retirement Home- I worked with a huge number of foreign students from a nearby university.  One, my friend Jorge tried to say a little boy was so cute that he "wanted to steal him."  His actual words were that he "wanted to rape him."  I once put a ton of vinnegar into Jorge's drink to prove that I will be 10 forever.

17) Waiter at Upscale Restaurant- I try my luck at fine dining.  I am yelled at for a solid 20 minutes for not having enough pens.  I go to the bathroom and never come back.

18) Album Designer- I work with the semi-famous Carol Lundeen getting rid of bags and crows feet. 

19) Dance Competiton Photographer- I took thousands of photos of the same dance routines over and over to be sold at prices that surpassed my salary.

20) Magazine- I work for a long time as a music reviewer and staff photographer.  I get to interview many death metal celebs.  I also get to interview Trouble Andrew (boyfriend of Santigold) Reuben Langdon (former Power Ranger and lead motion capture of such indie films as Avatar) and Andrew W.K. (Lets get a Party Started).

21) I will lump all of my freelance together.  I shot a lot of bands, and weddings and did some work for a national publication called Next American City that nobody but me has ever heard of. 

For those of you who made it this far I am sorry but I am unable to compensate you for wasted time.  Soon, I will leave and soon this will get interesting.

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