A Vocab Test that Includes the Word "Poop"
Thursday, April 5
I know it is trouble from the start.
I am sitting in the small teacher's office at my hagwon. The Korean teachers around me are filling out report cards, talking, or are otherwise doing things that make them seem as though they are doing much more than me.
They are.
School is much more chaotic this time around, but still, I make more money and do far less than my Korean counterparts.
Behind me, my fellow foreigner named Alix hacks up a lung. It is an illness that seems to have taken everyone but me. All I have is an earache.
I look at the topics of two of my classes and cringe.
Koreans have this thing where they are obsessed with poop. It is a pretty common thing, I guess, particularly at a young age. At this school and the last I find that the vast majority of classes at some point have an outbust of "Dung!" No translation necessary. I have one little student who, while consistently doing better on her vocab tests (impossible not to as nobody even pretends to try in that class) always draws that ever-so-common-in-Korea seaming pike of shit. It is like her call sign. If she ever becomes a mastermind of evil, she will leave a card with a steaming pile of shit.
This is why I am not looking forward to teaching. Further, I don't know quite how to go about this subject. I teach a number of "subjects" at school, each a facade for learning English. It is pretty clever, really.
Why did they dedicate a chapter to the digestive system for elementary schoolers? Why id diahrea(sp) featured so prominantly in a class called, appropriately enough, We-Wiz?
In We Wiz, the main character goes on about his family has all of these health problems. His grandmother then goes on to list a bunch of home remedies. Eating steamed sweet potatoes before bed helps for diahhrea, by the way. If you have some pimples on your face then you should wash with lemon juice.
They handle it all pretty tactfully.
My big concern is my Junior class. There are two immature boys and one immature girl. They are going to have a field day and I won't finish the lesson.
I worry about this because it is becomming increasingly difficult to control most of these kids. Further, there is one smart girl who looks at me with judgemental eyes when I fail to corral Adam, who seems to exclusively wear sweat pants, and Joshua, who is like a catalyst that only operates when at the worst possible time.
Last week Adam and Joshua got into it. I had to keep them apart. Joshua left class first and was followed by Adam.
Adam called Joshua to look back and then pinched the shit out of his cheeks until I grabbed his arms. It was like the lamest grandma-mafia hit ever.
I have been having trouble keeping control and actually finishing the lessons.
I walk into class and a girl named Lisa smiles and says "Sorry teacher! I didn't do my homework!"
This is like a joke. She has done her homework precisely one time. It is kind-of her thing. Even on review day when we do homework in class she still somehow manages to not finish her homework.
We listen to the audio for the unit. A camera has been ingested and it is explaining the roles and details of everything it passes. I kid you not.
The kids laugh a bit.
I try to move on. I don't want to linger on this whole thing. The sooner we are filling in the blanks and not listenning to Bob the Rectal Camera tell us about breaking down food and waste the better.
So far so good.
When it comes time for the vocab test I hand out the papers and let them study. I don't bother to read the list before hand. This is the simplest part of the job- almost impossible to screw up.
"Intestines."
"Saliva."
"Mouth."
"Are you serious!?" Number four catches me off guard. I didn't imagine it was an actual possibility.
"Teacher! Four!"
"Poop."
There is a brief chuckle amongst kids before it becomes apparent that it isn't quite as hilarious for a non-native speaker. I burst into laughter and turn red. I am the least mature person in a room full of 11 year olds.
I am sitting in the small teacher's office at my hagwon. The Korean teachers around me are filling out report cards, talking, or are otherwise doing things that make them seem as though they are doing much more than me.
They are.
School is much more chaotic this time around, but still, I make more money and do far less than my Korean counterparts.
Behind me, my fellow foreigner named Alix hacks up a lung. It is an illness that seems to have taken everyone but me. All I have is an earache.
I look at the topics of two of my classes and cringe.
Koreans have this thing where they are obsessed with poop. It is a pretty common thing, I guess, particularly at a young age. At this school and the last I find that the vast majority of classes at some point have an outbust of "Dung!" No translation necessary. I have one little student who, while consistently doing better on her vocab tests (impossible not to as nobody even pretends to try in that class) always draws that ever-so-common-in-Korea seaming pike of shit. It is like her call sign. If she ever becomes a mastermind of evil, she will leave a card with a steaming pile of shit.
This is why I am not looking forward to teaching. Further, I don't know quite how to go about this subject. I teach a number of "subjects" at school, each a facade for learning English. It is pretty clever, really.
Why did they dedicate a chapter to the digestive system for elementary schoolers? Why id diahrea(sp) featured so prominantly in a class called, appropriately enough, We-Wiz?
In We Wiz, the main character goes on about his family has all of these health problems. His grandmother then goes on to list a bunch of home remedies. Eating steamed sweet potatoes before bed helps for diahhrea, by the way. If you have some pimples on your face then you should wash with lemon juice.
They handle it all pretty tactfully.
My big concern is my Junior class. There are two immature boys and one immature girl. They are going to have a field day and I won't finish the lesson.
I worry about this because it is becomming increasingly difficult to control most of these kids. Further, there is one smart girl who looks at me with judgemental eyes when I fail to corral Adam, who seems to exclusively wear sweat pants, and Joshua, who is like a catalyst that only operates when at the worst possible time.
Last week Adam and Joshua got into it. I had to keep them apart. Joshua left class first and was followed by Adam.
Adam called Joshua to look back and then pinched the shit out of his cheeks until I grabbed his arms. It was like the lamest grandma-mafia hit ever.
I have been having trouble keeping control and actually finishing the lessons.
I walk into class and a girl named Lisa smiles and says "Sorry teacher! I didn't do my homework!"
This is like a joke. She has done her homework precisely one time. It is kind-of her thing. Even on review day when we do homework in class she still somehow manages to not finish her homework.
We listen to the audio for the unit. A camera has been ingested and it is explaining the roles and details of everything it passes. I kid you not.
The kids laugh a bit.
I try to move on. I don't want to linger on this whole thing. The sooner we are filling in the blanks and not listenning to Bob the Rectal Camera tell us about breaking down food and waste the better.
So far so good.
When it comes time for the vocab test I hand out the papers and let them study. I don't bother to read the list before hand. This is the simplest part of the job- almost impossible to screw up.
"Intestines."
"Saliva."
"Mouth."
"Are you serious!?" Number four catches me off guard. I didn't imagine it was an actual possibility.
"Teacher! Four!"
"Poop."
There is a brief chuckle amongst kids before it becomes apparent that it isn't quite as hilarious for a non-native speaker. I burst into laughter and turn red. I am the least mature person in a room full of 11 year olds.
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